u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
