Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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