I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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