Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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