Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
