I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
