Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
