i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We are two peas in an std pod
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
