I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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