So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
