I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
