Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
