I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
