Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
