Pants 0. Shit 1.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize