Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
