The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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