You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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