A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize