My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
