Someone shit on the floor
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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