Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
