the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
