I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
