i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
