WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
is wine microwaveable?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
