I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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