Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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