Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
