Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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