Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
