I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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