After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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