That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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