evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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