You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
