she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
