I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
