I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
