Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize