is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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