there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
