i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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