if i can run in heels then i can drive
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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