Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
