textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize