I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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