I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
