it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
