Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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