the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
