Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
