i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize