you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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