a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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