Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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