and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
