I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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