If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
