Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
