She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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