Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
