She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
