happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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