Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
