Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
