new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
