pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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