as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
