she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize