Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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