What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
you made out with another girl for some wings
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
