Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
