So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
