I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
