I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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