his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
