Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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