he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
