either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize