she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
